Top Five Reasons Not to Drink at Home

Since coming home, it’s become readily apparent that Cappy’s advice was right: “Enjoy senior week while you can, because once you graduate it’s called alcoholism.”

I was thrilled when I discovered that Tim’s brewing beer full time in his house, but it’s thrown into sharp relief the rather unsettling fact that I no longer have quite the excuse I did to drink as much as I do.

It’s a sad fact indeed.

In fact, after careful study I have come up with the top five reasons why drinking at home is, in fact, a terrible idea:

1. The unsettling incident from two nights ago that involved the automatic ice dispenser on my fridge; a cup that was, in fact, upside down; and the subsequent large quantity of water which somehow wound up on my room’s carpet (even after I managed to fill the cup).
2. The large, wooden chicken in the middle of the quickest route from the bathroom and the kitchen to my room which is nigh invisible in the dark.
3. The horrifying discovery that all forms of pain medication are STILL kept in my parents’ medicine cabinet.
4. The fact that I actually have to get home once I’m drunk, and that this effort involves cars. Which I don’t have.
5. The awkward reality of explaining to my parents just what the hell happened last night.

I have GOT to stop drinking in my friends’ basements…