And the wheel turns…

It’s snowing in DC.

Recently, I was asked what type of music I listen to. For most people, this question is pretty simple. Being me, however, I came to the music I listen to in a really round-about way. I started listening to music the same way I started drinking beer; I felt like I SHOULD be listening to it, so I started picking songs that sounded snazzy and finding copies of them. Seriously – before that, it was 100% books on tape. How lame was I?

Through this rather haphazard method, I picked up a truly eclectic taste in music. In the past month, for example, I’ve had the following songs stuck in my head:

• “Friends in Low Places” – Garth Brooks
• “What’s Going to Happen” – Scrubs: My Musical
• “Con Te Partiro (Techno)” – Andrea Bocelli
• “The Beginning is the End is the Beginning” – Smashing Pumpkins

This kind of musical ADD tends to confuse people, though – so I tend to answer “Arena Rock”. Hard to go wrong with Journey!

It’s been a long time, though, since I’ve listened to JPop. A chapter of my life slammed shut around three and a half years ago, and I seriously thought Asian dramas and JPop went with it. It’s funny how we gravitate to the familiar.

A friend mentioned she was watching a Korean series (The new Hana Yori Dango), and I found myself thinking, “Hm… I wonder what’s showing these days…” That lead to finding “Love Shuffle”, and today I find myself listening to Uematsu Hidemi’s “Dear My Friends” on repeat. So much for staying out of Japanese pop culture. Suddenly, I have a fierce desire to go back to Japan, and I’m left horrified at how much of my Japanese has deserted me.

Part of this is introspection. When things are tough, or when I’m making tough decisions about things, I tend to look inward and examine my choices. Not that it does me much good – I never have had a strong understanding of my self. My apartment is finally furnished, and I’ve been doing a lot of sitting in my armchair seriously considering what’s next. I haven’t been dating for a while now, but in the past six months so many of my friends have entered into serious, committed relationships or gotten married that I’m beginning to feel left behind. I’m also realizing that there’s a lot I want to do before I settle down.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been developing a friendship that could be heading towards something more. At least – it feels like all the other times things headed that direction. Even if I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to pursue that, I’m not really sure I will. I don’t want to go into a relationship without there being a possibility for something more beyond fun and sex, and I worry about all those things I want to do; all those mistakes I’ve yet to make. What if the next relationship DOES work out? Will I settle down? Will I miss out on all those experiences I want to have before I do?

That’s what ran through my head as the girl above asked me what type of music I liked last week. I thought about my tastes, and I wondered what type of man refuses to commit to someone because he worries he’ll miss out on something, and what that says about the person he’s refusing to commit to.

I tried to explain for a moment, then I answered, “Arena Rock”.

Journey, Life, the Universe, and Everything

It’s been a little while since I last posted. Reasons are difficult, perhaps, to express, but they have something to do with the facts that I can’t post from work and that I find myself with less and less free time once I actually make it home. Much has happened.

Yesterday I saw Journey live in concert.

They were accompanied by Heart and Cheap Trick, a fact that only serves to heighten their awesomeness. Those are by no means small-time bands, after all. The concert was everything I could hope for, but was bittersweet for several reasons I’m no longer sure I can rely in a public forum. As usual, a woman was involved.

A little earlier, the Girl and I spent a day in Annapolis. We talked, we walked, and as usual things were ambiguous. Oh well – at least I got good crab cakes out of it. Also on the weird front – I met her mom. And she cooked dinner for us. Good times.

Various other things have popped up that vex and frustrate me… But I think I’m still processing them. So I leave you with some thoughts:

1. I am now, officially, middle-class entirely on my own. There’s a scary thought.
2. South Ossetians celebrated Russia’s support of their independence… By firing guns into the air. First – way to show your civilized nature, gents. Second – what goes up…
3. Of all the organizations that could use a few consultants, DC Metro probably needs us the most. Dear lord – a train stopped at Federal Triangle shut down the orange and blue lines in both directions, just about. Only they were turning back trains at Arlington Cemetary – WTF? Why not Foggy Bottom? Why not just bounce trains off the stations on either side and run buses to cover the gap? Zero coverage failure, minimal additional cost, hundreds fewer angry customers. Come on guys – this is a no-brainer.

Until next time~

One more thing…

Oh, and can we talk about women for a second?

Totally apart from the sheer mess that is one of my best friends’ relationship with his “ex” who’s currently abroad (who he talks to for HOURS a day – and don’t deny it, you know it’s true!), which stresses me out by proxy, it seems I spend all my time these days trying to figure out just what the hell is up with the woman and I. You know the one – the one I debated talking to about a month ago. Things are coming to an end, and we’re on the same see-saw we’ve been on since day one. You know, the one she probably doesn’t realize we’re on.

I might have sort of told her off last week.

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Wounded Game Theory

The other day I posted a rather long quote on the Tumble about so-called “Wounded Game Theory”. Having had a chance to discuss it with those friends of mine who happen to be of the male persuasion, I’ve discovered that she’s actually startlingly correct.

On some things anyways. It’s like this: far from being a kickback to our dark, primeval past, this phenomenon hints at something which is actually quite a recent phenomenon. With the rise of male image stereotyping in media, guys (especially college-aged guys) are becoming more and more self-conscious. Now days, many of the same self-confidence issues that people stereotype women with are becoming more and more prevalent among men. What does that mean to you? Y’all make yourselves too inaccessible. Especially when you’re all “prettied up”.

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Thoughts on Beginnings and Ends

When I first created this blog (a year ago this week!), I was facing a pretty hefty beginning. I was leaving my native country for the first time to live abroad in a (not so) strange land and, lured by the apparent fame of travel and personal bloggers whose every spare thought is deemed credible by their legions of readers, I had high hopes for chronicling every detail of it.

As much as my time abroad was definitely a beginning, it was also an end. While the actual experience of studying abroad was far from the life-changing experience it’s touted to be (hence the lack of deep, insightful posts while there?), the time I spent there and the time I spent building up to that experience did change me. I began to spend slightly less time online, preferring to talk to people in “real life” instead; I began focusing more on “getting out there” and “experiencing my environment”; and most important of all, I made the decision to be more honest and open with the people around me.

I thought about that decision tonight as I waved goodbye and yelled after her, “Call me if you’re back early on Sunday!” She yelled back that she would as she crossed the street and entered campus proper. The girl in question and I have been friends since day one – the first day of freshman year. There was a time when we saw each other almost every day. Lately, though, with a plethora of excuses like “increased workload”, “job hunting” and “hectic schedules”, we’ve found it harder and harder to make the time. This sort of dodging defines our relationship – or at least my side of it. There have been times when I hoped we might become more than just friends, and times when I knew things would never work out if we were.

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