Japanese Television

Sometimes the things they put oN Japanese TV make me wonder about Japan… This iS one oF them. I’m not going to tell you What’s going on here, but you’ll be able to figure it out eventually…

Newsflash: Online procrastination reaches new heights!

So I have two projects due, and three tests in the next five days. Instead of studying, I’m online. There’s a surprise.

What to do… Hm… How about inflict my pain on others? Broken into categories for your benefit:

Zelda (Slightly NSFW):

These two are kind of “enh”, but still worth a watch:

Superfriends:

Other:
http://youtube.com/watchtheguild

All of those. Mm… Procrastination…

Reason #183 why I love Japan…

So this entry will officially be of a “Quasi-NSFW” nature. Please be forewarned.

The first video I’d like to offer for your consumption is this:

Now I know you’re thinking, “what ARE you watching these days?” In my defense, Orson sent me this link last night, which led to much hilarity amongst my room-mates. Especially once you understand the Japanese, the video becomes MUCH more interesting.

I haven’t bothered to understand the guy’s part of the conversation, and I think we can all safely assume that in this situation it’s more or less moot. The girl’s part, however, is hilarious. She starts off with a cryptic “Ki ga tsukimashita?” – “Have you noticed/realized/become aware (of it)?” (Okay, “Are you awake?” is also possible, but where’s the fun in that. Besides, it’s possible she did something horrible to him while he was asleep…). I’m not sure what we’re supposed to have noticed, but she might be referring to our protagonist’s rather bizarre physical characteristics, as will be discussed in detail in a moment. I’m sure he hadn’t, too, because who the hell notices things like this? He must also have decided to use this opportunity to take his frustration out on her by poking her, because she seems to be hiccuping through the next few lines. This is the last time he does this – apparently he DOES realize in a moment.

Her next inspired utterance is “Kimi no suki ni shite iin dayo” – “Feel free to do as you like.” If that’s not sketchy, I don’t know what is. Given the game though, I’m going to assume that she’s referring to the advertised total freedom to use (or misuse?) the environment around you.

Of course, we all know it’s an EROTIC FPS, so obviously it’s built to let you do as you wish… In multiple ways. Next, the ever-hopeful soon-to-be victim cleverly offers “Toriaezu, atashi to hanashitoka shiyo?” – “At any rate, how about we just talk a bit?” Bad idea, babe. The protagonist evidently has discovered his rather amazing physical talents, because he signals his thoughts on this idea by showering her with… An “unidentified” *cough* gooey, white substance *cough*. Aaand… Her only response is a mild, “Uuuuun sonnna….”, which is basically like combination scolding and “I don’t know about that…” Not very convincing, animated-girl – try saying “no”. She does, at least, say, “‘Pon-pon’ tte, Okorasetari…” – “I’ll get mad or something…” Real convincing, babe. Then, “Ne, ‘Paaaa!’ tte! Ureshiku naru koto ippai shite!” – “Feel free to do whatever that makes you happy!” Do I even need to comment on that? Her temperance for this is, “Demo, amari henna koto shichau iya dayo” – “But don’t do anything too weird, okay!” Uh-huh. By this point, you’ve lost the right to complain about anything he does. Especially if you’re putting up with his goo-firing firearm and happy trigger finger thus far.

He takes this suggestion to heart, obviously, because the next thing he does is take a look around the room. And wait – oh, oh no – he settles on the baseball bat. Uh-oh.

He takes a few practice swings and approaches the victim (See? Victim! Get your mind out of the gutter!). And, ever the paragon of intelligent comments, our gal lets out, “Heeee?!? Sono mono de nani surun desu ka?” – “Whaaaat?!? What’re you doing with that?/What’re you going to do with that?”

NOT USE IT! Because he definitely takes her down with the “sticky white goo” gun. And she slaps him a bit, then RUNS AWAY INTO THE WALL. Which, I might add, he takes as his cue to “fire” a few more times. Pleasant chap, this protagonist.

Oh, the Japanese… There are a few more clips from this game:

This one needs no explanation… Remember people, physical violence is never a solution… Except when it’s not real and is funny as hell.

And this one:

This girl speaks like a cat, but essentially says similar things. It’s largely boring until the protagonist figures out how to use the “get naked” (“Get into undergarments?”) command, which apparently involves the girl’s own super-power, which seems to be the ability to lose outer clothing by yelling “Cast off!” Kamen Rider references aside, man do I wish I could use THAT command on people at parties… Reminds me of a certain Patrick Stewart moment. Ever-hopefully, and not getting the message, the girl brilliantly suggests that what he wants to do is maybe a little too embarrassing for her. This is when our hero discovers the “bitch-slap” command. Yes, apparently there is a bitch-slap command. Tell me you didn’t see that coming.

While the game may be a little inappropriate on some levels, I haven’t seen much over-all erotic content. I might find a way to get it just for the ability to do horrible things to the virtual people inside. I mean come on – it’s like the Sims. Nobody really wants their Sim to live a happy life – who DIDN’T torture a whole bunch of them in creative ways first?

Aids and Gay Rights – ooh, I’m getting political!

Tim appears to have been too lazy to post this gem, which is arguably the creepiest “children’s book” I’ve ever seen besides the one I posted earlier.

I’m particularly angry at this book because it appears to be a book that exists entirely to serve the “nurture” end of the “why are some people attracted to the same sex?” argument. Seriously – are they trying to indoctrinate young children now? Oh – that attraction you’re feeling? Yeah, you’re just not right in the head. Go see a therapist and get some drugs; they’ll fix you right up!

Seriously people, this is not the solution. Shouldn’t we be trying to teach our children to be more open-minded rather than closed-minded? Sometimes I feel like the government should just take all children at birth and raise them in a government-sponsored institute. I mean, sure – we’d never be able to create a government responsible enough to raise them without bias, but the idea of ridding the world of prejudice once and for all seems wonderfully tempting.

I don’t really know enough about the issue to be able to say that attraction to the same sex is definitively an issue of nature OR nurture, but I do know that what the friends I have who are gay feel is real enough and that those of us who aren’t gay have no right belittling their feelings because it doesn’t fit our narrow conception of correct gender roles. Teaching children that it’s “all nature” or “all nurture” is not the way to go – kids should be taught to examine the facts and view these things with an open mind (My how Post-Modern of me!)… Of course, I’m not really sure if that’s even possible. It seems natural to believe that you need to teach kids SOMETHING for sure so they have a frame of reference… If you must teach something, then, doesn’t the more open and accepting idea seem the better one to teach?

Just to end the night on the same note it started on, here’s an interesting pro-safe sex (really anti-AIDS) commercial I found on Stage6. Fair warning, this commercial is NSFW.

Booya – Safe Sex

If anyone wants to see it full sized, the original can be found here.

Oddly, the ending makes this commercial seem to be promoting abstinence as the best option, but the commercial doesn’t really show any consequences of pre-marital sex (other than it being boring or just not the right “fit”), and the ending just really seems to flow as a natural consequences of having found the right fit at last… It’s kinda hard to tell what they’re trying to say, actually, except for the final frame’s blatant “fight aides” message.

Questions answered…

Well – that settles THAT question.