And the wheel turns…

It’s snowing in DC.

Recently, I was asked what type of music I listen to. For most people, this question is pretty simple. Being me, however, I came to the music I listen to in a really round-about way. I started listening to music the same way I started drinking beer; I felt like I SHOULD be listening to it, so I started picking songs that sounded snazzy and finding copies of them. Seriously – before that, it was 100% books on tape. How lame was I?

Through this rather haphazard method, I picked up a truly eclectic taste in music. In the past month, for example, I’ve had the following songs stuck in my head:

• “Friends in Low Places” – Garth Brooks
• “What’s Going to Happen” – Scrubs: My Musical
• “Con Te Partiro (Techno)” – Andrea Bocelli
• “The Beginning is the End is the Beginning” – Smashing Pumpkins

This kind of musical ADD tends to confuse people, though – so I tend to answer “Arena Rock”. Hard to go wrong with Journey!

It’s been a long time, though, since I’ve listened to JPop. A chapter of my life slammed shut around three and a half years ago, and I seriously thought Asian dramas and JPop went with it. It’s funny how we gravitate to the familiar.

A friend mentioned she was watching a Korean series (The new Hana Yori Dango), and I found myself thinking, “Hm… I wonder what’s showing these days…” That lead to finding “Love Shuffle”, and today I find myself listening to Uematsu Hidemi’s “Dear My Friends” on repeat. So much for staying out of Japanese pop culture. Suddenly, I have a fierce desire to go back to Japan, and I’m left horrified at how much of my Japanese has deserted me.

Part of this is introspection. When things are tough, or when I’m making tough decisions about things, I tend to look inward and examine my choices. Not that it does me much good – I never have had a strong understanding of my self. My apartment is finally furnished, and I’ve been doing a lot of sitting in my armchair seriously considering what’s next. I haven’t been dating for a while now, but in the past six months so many of my friends have entered into serious, committed relationships or gotten married that I’m beginning to feel left behind. I’m also realizing that there’s a lot I want to do before I settle down.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been developing a friendship that could be heading towards something more. At least – it feels like all the other times things headed that direction. Even if I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to pursue that, I’m not really sure I will. I don’t want to go into a relationship without there being a possibility for something more beyond fun and sex, and I worry about all those things I want to do; all those mistakes I’ve yet to make. What if the next relationship DOES work out? Will I settle down? Will I miss out on all those experiences I want to have before I do?

That’s what ran through my head as the girl above asked me what type of music I liked last week. I thought about my tastes, and I wondered what type of man refuses to commit to someone because he worries he’ll miss out on something, and what that says about the person he’s refusing to commit to.

I tried to explain for a moment, then I answered, “Arena Rock”.