Blast from the (not-so-distant) past?

So I have a sticky on my desktop. I created this sticky back when I was in Japan and was too busy to actually post things on this blog. We all remember those times, right? Oh irony of ironies - a dry spell during the period in which the blog was actually supposed to be used.

Not that I’ve gotten around to finishing the blog since then… That’s another thing that’s on the list for “after I outrun real life”.

In the interests of getting that list of links off my desktop, this post will cover the basics.

First off: “You know you’ve been in Japan too long when…”. While I don’t really like the Author’s site, I did (and still do) find myself doing many of the things he describe. Perhaps the rest would have come with more time?

Second: Arudou Debito’s view of the word “Gaijin” and its connotations. Debito is… Unique. From what I’ve read of his work, he tends to take things VERY personally. He also seems to have some kind of “manifest destiny” complex. I agree completely that Japan is discriminatory and two-faced about the question of so-called “Japanese Superiority”, and to be honest I agree with the principle that countries allowing naturalization of foreigners have an obligation to afford those citizens equal rights. Debito’s actions, however, show a flagrant disrespect for Japanese cultural norms and a serious misunderstanding of the Japanese world-view. He’s treating Japan like his own private US, while waving the “I have a right to live wherever I want and to all my rights wherever I am!” card as much as possible (any one else notice how the first thing he does when he hits something he doesn’t like is run to the US consulate?). News flash, Debito - that’s an AMERICAN ideal. According to the Japanese, you really don’t… Who are you to say they’re wrong?

But I digress. His comments about “Gaijin” vs “Gaikokujin” follow similar patterns, though. I mean - I know I can’t really talk about the long-term effects of “Gaijinism” given the short duration of my stay, but I think he once again misunderstands Japanese culture. I mean - granted, it IS technically a form of racism, but the Japanese don’t see it that way. They see it as distinguishing “in” from “out” verbally. It’s not really racism in the way we Americans use it so much as it’s Xenophobia, nationalism, and lingering isolationism. Part of the Japanese worldview seems to be an ever-present sense of “being Japanese”, and to the extent that the word is used to satisfy this part of the worldview, yes an indian in India can be “gaijin” in his own country to a Japanese tourist. I don’t think that’s necessarily wrong except to the American way of seeing things. My problems with the word arise when it’s used to foster genuine racism or when it fails to recognize naturalized Japanese citizens as part of the “in” group - I feel the distinction is important.

Third:

I laughed about this one for like… 30 minutes. It’s so true, too. All my friends - and I DO mean all my friends - have Macs now. So much for the “underdog”. Apple’s gone and become the NEW evil empire. Then I found this one:

Which is just plain awesome. Fourth (And I had to dig for this link…): The Defense Ministry’s moved to using manga to explain their defense policies. Apparently the whole idea of a Defense Ministry and defending themselves is so new to the Japanese that they need pictures to help them understand?That was a low blow. I actually think the manga is a pretty creative idea. America could probably use some of that kind of creativity.Also in the Wai-Wai section of Mainichi (albeit this week) comes these gems:
-Japan’s Celebrity Cannibal
-Deep thoughts on sex and gender from the Japanese
-Said thoughts seem to be a theme this week…

Fifth: More crazy “news”. That’ll show ‘em kid. Especially when they mix it into EVERYONE’S salad, and you wind up answering the age old question “how do I taste?”

Sixth: Summertime in Japan. Guess they really DO like crowding? Sub-headline: “Hundreds die as the ‘Baby Ruth in the pool’ trick turns deadly…”

Seventh: Apparently you really CAN live in the mall. This guy did. What does that say about mall security that they didn’t notice him dragging a kitchen hutch into the bowels of the mall? It’s not like he could have asked them to deliver it there.

Finally: I think I meant to read these two and never got around to it. Someone want to give me spark notes? They look interesting… For all you history buffs out there.

Aren’t you glad I’m done? Me too.

Reason #183 why I love Japan…

So this entry will officially be of a “Quasi-NSFW” nature. Please be forewarned.

The first video I’d like to offer for your consumption is this:

Now I know you’re thinking, “what ARE you watching these days?” In my defense, Orson sent me this link last night, which led to much hilarity amongst my room-mates. Especially once you understand the Japanese, the video becomes MUCH more interesting.

I haven’t bothered to understand the guy’s part of the conversation, and I think we can all safely assume that in this situation it’s more or less moot. The girl’s part, however, is hilarious. She starts off with a cryptic “Ki ga tsukimashita?” - “Have you noticed/realized/become aware (of it)?” (Okay, “Are you awake?” is also possible, but where’s the fun in that. Besides, it’s possible she did something horrible to him while he was asleep…). I’m not sure what we’re supposed to have noticed, but she might be referring to our protagonist’s rather bizarre physical characteristics, as will be discussed in detail in a moment. I’m sure he hadn’t, too, because who the hell notices things like this? He must also have decided to use this opportunity to take his frustration out on her by poking her, because she seems to be hiccuping through the next few lines. This is the last time he does this - apparently he DOES realize in a moment.

Her next inspired utterance is “Kimi no suki ni shite iin dayo” - “Feel free to do as you like.” If that’s not sketchy, I don’t know what is. Given the game though, I’m going to assume that she’s referring to the advertised total freedom to use (or misuse?) the environment around you.

Of course, we all know it’s an EROTIC FPS, so obviously it’s built to let you do as you wish… In multiple ways. Next, the ever-hopeful soon-to-be victim cleverly offers “Toriaezu, atashi to hanashitoka shiyo?” - “At any rate, how about we just talk a bit?” Bad idea, babe. The protagonist evidently has discovered his rather amazing physical talents, because he signals his thoughts on this idea by showering her with… An “unidentified” *cough* gooey, white substance *cough*. Aaand… Her only response is a mild, “Uuuuun sonnna….”, which is basically like combination scolding and “I don’t know about that…” Not very convincing, animated-girl - try saying “no”. She does, at least, say, “‘Pon-pon’ tte, Okorasetari…” - “I’ll get mad or something…” Real convincing, babe. Then, “Ne, ‘Paaaa!’ tte! Ureshiku naru koto ippai shite!” - “Feel free to do whatever that makes you happy!” Do I even need to comment on that? Her temperance for this is, “Demo, amari henna koto shichau iya dayo” - “But don’t do anything too weird, okay!” Uh-huh. By this point, you’ve lost the right to complain about anything he does. Especially if you’re putting up with his goo-firing firearm and happy trigger finger thus far.

He takes this suggestion to heart, obviously, because the next thing he does is take a look around the room. And wait - oh, oh no - he settles on the baseball bat. Uh-oh.

He takes a few practice swings and approaches the victim (See? Victim! Get your mind out of the gutter!). And, ever the paragon of intelligent comments, our gal lets out, “Heeee?!? Sono mono de nani surun desu ka?” - “Whaaaat?!? What’re you doing with that?/What’re you going to do with that?”

NOT USE IT! Because he definitely takes her down with the “sticky white goo” gun. And she slaps him a bit, then RUNS AWAY INTO THE WALL. Which, I might add, he takes as his cue to “fire” a few more times. Pleasant chap, this protagonist.

Oh, the Japanese… There are a few more clips from this game:

This one needs no explanation… Remember people, physical violence is never a solution… Except when it’s not real and is funny as hell.

And this one:

This girl speaks like a cat, but essentially says similar things. It’s largely boring until the protagonist figures out how to use the “get naked” (”Get into undergarments?”) command, which apparently involves the girl’s own super-power, which seems to be the ability to lose outer clothing by yelling “Cast off!” Kamen Rider references aside, man do I wish I could use THAT command on people at parties… Reminds me of a certain Patrick Stewart moment. Ever-hopefully, and not getting the message, the girl brilliantly suggests that what he wants to do is maybe a little too embarrassing for her. This is when our hero discovers the “bitch-slap” command. Yes, apparently there is a bitch-slap command. Tell me you didn’t see that coming.

While the game may be a little inappropriate on some levels, I haven’t seen much over-all erotic content. I might find a way to get it just for the ability to do horrible things to the virtual people inside. I mean come on - it’s like the Sims. Nobody really wants their Sim to live a happy life - who DIDN’T torture a whole bunch of them in creative ways first?

Next-Gen Phones…

Click this link for another example of why the US makes me cry about the fact that I have to deal with its cell phone providers.

In Japan, my 3500 yen a month (about 28 dollars maybe?) got me unlimited e-mails, 40 minutes of calling (more than I needed in Japan - trust me), and something like 5000 text messages. There was a 3100 yen cancellation fee, a 3500 yen activation fee, and a nice new-model phone (albeit one without the “latest” features - still better than current US features) cost me 1 yen. The charger cost me 980 yen, which sucked, but they threw in an alarm clock, 2 cotton puffs, 2 packets of tissues, 2 packages of band-aids, 2 cell-phone straps, and 2 packages of Q-tips. Any thing incoming - calls, texts, e-mails, you name it - was free.

In the US, I have to pay $39.99 for 600 minutes a month (more than enough…), with some ridiculous “night and weekend” variance which activates at inconvenient times tacked on for little apparent reason, and I have to pay $4.99 a month for 400 text messages (incoming OR outgoing), and another $5.99 for the privilege to use their ridiculous “web browser”, which can’t even check my e-mail like I wanted it to. The only upshot this time is that, after 3 weeks of wrangling at them, I managed to get a nice phone for “free” with a $50 rebate. I might point out that the interface on this phone, unlike that of my Japanese phone, is ridiculously counter-intuitive, and the camera is 2nd-rate.

I miss Japan.

The next-gen phones in the link above… Especially the one that looks like a glass pebble… Wow. Just wow. I mean - I have no idea how well the interface works, but if the ease with which the iPhone seems to work is any indication, touch interfaces are the wave of the future indeed. I’m especially liking the use of a touch interface to replace the dialing pad because of the ability to swap out that pad for more useful interfaces when you’re not calling someone.

My only reservation, really, is about whether the touch pads will be resilient enough to handle the abuse people heap on their phones. The people I know who have iPhones are treating them like a new porsche - that is to say, they’re only driving them when they have to, and they’re doing their best not to scratch them - and as a consequence it’s hard to see just how resilient they really are…